Tag: me

thorsbian:

Burglar, when i surprise him by slithering upstairs in my pj’s at 11am on a tuesday: i thought the place was empty…

Me: i have a hectic work schedule

Burglar: understandable, but now i have to kill u (sees my shirt that says “what’s your sign?” and is legally obligated to answer) im a virgo

Me: oh really? This doesnt seem like a virgo heavy career, whats your rising?

Burglar, a little embarrassed: uh idk

Me: thats ok! If u know your time/place of birth, we can look up your birthchart!! Youre about to learn sooo much about yourself

Burglar, pulling up the chair beside me:

thestateonmtv:

Scooby Doo teens be like if we don’t go around in a van looking for criminals who will. Who fucking will.