Month: October 2018

the-mad-prince-of-denmark:

Hamlet: Being bi means you can only like two things.

Hamlet: So I’ve chosen overly complicated pre-planning and Horatio.

wintermintcottage:

im always trying to put my headphone volume up into the hearing loss danger zone, anyone else

tyrannosaurus-trainwreck:

thedrunkencenobite:

Commissioner Gordon: If I shine this light into the sky, a man dressed like Dracula shows up.

Internal Affairs Investigator: I’m not sure how that’s a good use of tax doll-

Commissioner Gordon: He brings us lots of inadmissible evidence.

Are you fucking kidding me?  You know how this would actually go?

Commissioner Gordon: *slaps roof* You know how much overtime I don’t have to pay on account of this bad boy?

Internal Affairs Investigator: Yeah, but still–

Commissioner Gordon: I just turn it on, and instead of paying a whole precinct time-and-a-half to never see their families, a guy dressed as a bat punches whoever we’re looking for a bunch of times and dumps them in the parking lot.

Internal Affairs Investigator:

That’s not–

Commissioner Gordon:

Sometimes I fire it up just to see who we get.  It’s like having a cat that brings you guys with twenty warrants out for their arrest instead of dead birds.

Internal Affairs Investigator:

Okay, but you can’t tell people that.  Like, we can’t say it out loud.

Commissioner Gordon:

So I shouldn’t have told the FBI they could borrow it if they ever feel like clearing their most-wanted list?

18004206969:

Yes. I’d like some bird seeds, thank you. and how long does it usually take for the birds to grow.

turing-tested:

turing-tested:

there’s nothing purer or better than how much kids enjoy being picked up and then hurled at soft surfaces

anyone who’s ever been around kids for ay meaningful amount of time should know exactly how much kids long to be hefted up and then just fuckin tossed! it’s so good! they’re so excited to get fucking tossed around like a sack of potatoes it’s so pure