followthebluebell:

tokays:

Do Home Depot employees ever wonder what the customers’ projects are? More specifically, do they wonder about mine?

One of my brothers works at Home Depot and the other works at Ace.  I can confirm that they DO wonder.

“So this customer just… went in and bought every single tube of silicone we had.  It wasn’t many, to be fair, but then they also bought a bunch of dirt.  They were really fussy about the TYPE of soil too.”

“They’re a reptile keeper and they’re making a new vivarium.  I can guarantee it.  Ask them what species they keep next time.  I want to know.”

(a few weeks later)

“They keep crested geckos.”

lovelyloseruniverse:

smoldombigsub:

silkbox:

• Can’t get your partner off on the first try? Cool. You can still be thoughtful and make them feel good.
• Can get your partner off within 30 seconds? Awesome, good for you both, don’t let it get to your head.
• Can make someone cum in less than 5, but for others, it’s a process that takes an hour? That’s alright, everyone’s different. 
• Does it take you 30 minutes to cum? That’s okay, you’re not broken, you’re not a failure.
• Does it take you 10 seconds to cum? That’s great, you’re not a slut, you’re not overly sensitive or dirty. 
• Can’t cum without toys/vibrators? That’s awesome, that’s a valid part of sexual play!
• Can only cum with loving, vanilla sex? That’s perfectly normal, and you will find lots of great partners to experience that with!
• Can’t orgasm at all? THAT’S ALSO COOL. It’s not a bad thing, you can still enjoy sex TONNES just like others.

Orgasms are NOT the defining characteristic of your sexual prowess. They are great, they’re lovely when they happen, but for the love of science, stop bringing them up higher than they need to be. 

Preach! * 3*

-gf

VALID

vmohlere:

gandalfsoda:

theatergeeky:

vintage-bellarke:

tired-ass-nerd:

irnstrange:

cosmic-disasters:

irnstrange:

*takes an ant outside and lets it free instead of killing it* This one is for you Paul Rudd.

*takes a spider outside* this is for you Tom Holland

*takes a mantis outside* This is for you Pom Klementieff

*feeds some birds* this is for you Anthony Mackie

*waters some trees* This is for you Groot

*pets cat* this if for you Chadwick

*pets roomba* this is for you dum-e

*overthrows America’s burgeoning fascist regime* this is for you Steve

successfulling:

being genuine, kind, and respectful is so attractive

friendshipsuggestion:

Life is too short to not tell your friends you love them everyday

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

being a cashier is so stressful i’ll be like “hi! how are you :^)” and the customer will hand me a screwdriver and say “my granddaughter had a miscarriage this morning” and I’m like …………………..i’m so sorry that’s $2.33

like don’t get me wrong when people are grieving i understand it can help them come out of the shock of something by just voicing it but I never know what the HELL AND FUCK to say to this and it happens all the time I swear retail cashiers are some sort of cosmic collectors of the world’s grief.

cannibalcoalition:

damnfool-of-a-took:

cannibalcoalition:

All these articles about haunted mansions are leading me to believe that you have to have good credit to become a ghost. 

Alternatively: the souls of the rich are never granted peaceful rest

Yeah well that’s what they get for not paying their staff a living wage. 

221cbakerstreet:

Batman gave me unrealistic expectations about billionaires giving a shit about other people