I love the idea of Yuuri Katsuki retiring from figure skating at age 29 with five World Championships under his belt and sort of sinks to obscurity because all he really wants to do after that is chill out with all of his niche hobbies, sitting next to Viktor at competitions with crochet hooks in his hands or a handheld video game. Every once in awhile he offers his thoughts on a step sequence. He’s there to offer moral support and to tell Viktor that his hair is shiny.
At the same time, there’s a YouTube channel rising to prominence with these really entertaining but really bizarre-ass tutorials (Or, like, tutorials is the closest thing to describe what they are because it’s not like there are step-by-step directions, but you can clearly see everything the person does and every once in awhile a line of text will pop up over a measuring cup that says “one cup of almond milk”) in which there is never any speaking or music, only the sound of paper folding or meat sizzling or scissors cutting, vaguely ASMR-y but also not. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason as to what the channel does. It’s not a cooking channel. It’s not a gadget channel. It’s not a needlework channel. It’s not one of those Kracie Poppin Cookin channels. The packages sometimes have Cyrillic on them, but also sometimes Kanji, but also sometimes they’re in English. The backdrop is usually the same kitchen but sometimes it’s various different hotel rooms. A dog sometimes barks in the background. The person who owns the channel can sometimes be seen in the reflection of a pot but it’s hard to make out.
People like to watch the channel because it’s relaxing and, despite the whole unknown-person-doing-weird-things-on-the-internet vibe, it’s non-threatening and unsinister.
Then, one day, a video is posted where the owner of the channel has the camera braced on the stove to show a pot of water boiling, and in the far background, very clearly, is five-time World Champion of Figure Skating Viktor Nikiforov, sitting on a sofa and reading a book.
Yuuri, who’s terribly cheeky, puts a line of text above Viktor’s head that says, “One husband.”
“HEY UM WHAT,” says the internet.
bongdanceking 